Letting Go of Control Can Be A Huge Relief (And Lead to Even Better Outcomes)
by WITHIN Meditation teacher Tessa Jonson
“Thank you for your patience. Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold and the next available agent will be happy to assist you.” The recording repeated for the umpteenth time and I was feeling anything but patient after being on hold for 94 minutes with USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services).
I was calling them again to check if there was any movement on my husband’s green card extension application that we’d submitted over 5 years earlier. One of us went through this process every few months as it was the only way to get accurate information about his case. In between these calls, we agonized, stressed, made backup plans, obsessed over the online case status, crossed our fingers, and tried not to think about it.
This particular phone call ended even more dishearteningly than usual as when I was finally put through to an agent, I was told that the final step in his application - the interview - would be scheduled in approximately 22-36 months. Youch.
That was the gut punch I needed to finally decide that it was time to try a different approach.
It just so happened, as these things do, that a few days prior I had come across a meditation for releasing control. That evening we sat down together and did the meditation, which involved visualizing placing this problem in a golden basket and watching it be taken away by higher powers. Afterwards, we agreed to stop calling USCIS, to quit checking his case status online, and to completely release our efforts of forcing something to happen. We let it go and surrendered control.
In this culture, letting go of control is typically seen as failure, giving up, laziness, or not wanting it badly enough. Instead, we are taught that we will be rewarded by our hard work, grit, and tenacity.
Think of common sayings and quotes like:
“Never, never, never give up”
“When the going gets tough, the tough get going”
“Fight for what you want”
“Just keep going - push harder!!”
“If you just work hard enough, you can do anything"
Of course there is a time and place for determination, perseverance, and pushing ourselves; but when we realize that all our striving and efforting are leading us to a place of stress, anxiety, and burnout, perhaps it’s time for a new approach.
Let’s consider this for a moment. Think of a situation in your life right now where you are trying to control the outcome - maybe you want things to go a certain way (i.e. obtaining a green card), are hoping to win an uphill battle (i.e. trying to convince someone to change their political views), or are trapped in the belief of harder work meaning a greater reward (i.e. killing yourself at work in hopes of that promotion). Consider the time, energy, and resources you’re using in the attempt to get what you want.
Now imagine what could happen if you completely stopped trying, if you spent your time differently or used your energy to pursue joyous endeavors instead. If you made this part of your life a bit more easeful. What would that feel like?
For me, letting go of control felt like immediate relief. My shoulders dropped, my worry lines softened, and I felt so much lighter.
And would you believe that not 10 days later, we received a letter in the mail with his interview appointment scheduled for the very next week. At the interview, the officer even leapfrogged his green card and approved his citizenship application we’d made only a few months prior. It was a far, far better outcome than we could’ve even hoped for (let alone forced to happen!)
I’ve come to realize that this sort of miracle becomes possible when we exist with more ease and allow life to be lived through us, rather than trying to make our lives and circumstances be something we think they should be.
When we let ourselves exist without force, opportunities tend to naturally open up for us and we’re better able to recognize them when they do. When we give ourselves permission to simply be, opportunities have a tendency to naturally open up for us and we’re better able to recognize them when they do.
In allowing our lives to be more easeful, the worries, stressors, and obstacles simply melt away because there is no internal resistance. We’re no longer trying to force it. We release the mental chatter and energetic drain of needing things to be a certain way and can instead be open to and appreciative of what already is.
So let people believe what they choose to believe. Work only as much as it feels good to work. Stop obsessively checking the green card status.
We all know life can be hard. Very, very hard. I invite you to let some parts of it be easy! Follow the path of least resistance. Let opportunities find you. Release the reins and just enjoy the ride.
Tessa teaches regularly in WITHIN Meditation’s online studio. In her classes, she guides students into a keener awareness of the present moment, so that they can find ease and let go. Join her for a class this week!