By WITHIN Meditation teacher Kim Nicol

There is an old story about how to train an elephant.

It is said that when the elephant is very young, the trainer will tie a rope around the elephant’s leg and securely fasten it to a strong tree. No matter how hard the little elephant tries, it cannot escape. And so it stops trying.

Later, the trainer can tie the rope around a small post and the elephant will not try to pull away. Even though it has grown up into a full-sized elephant and is now very big and strong, it has become conditioned to believe there is no point in trying to escape. And so it doesn’t try.

This story is an example of how Limiting Beliefs work.

We make decisions based in part on the beliefs we hold.

And these beliefs are often based on past experiences.

When you decide to hold yourself back from something you want because of your past, or how other people have treated you, or because of your own story about what’s possible for you – that’s a Limiting Belief getting in the way.

For instance, imagine you’re looking for a new job. You read a job description and it sounds pretty good! But you see a list of 10 qualifications, and you only meet 7.

If you believe that you must have all 10 in order to apply, then you won’t even submit your application and resume. In your mind it might sound like: “What’s the point? I’m not qualified. I have the wrong background. I’m not good enough.” You’ve just limited your opportunities.

On the other hand, if you believe that 7 out of 10 is good enough, you’ll go for it. In your mind, it might sound like: “Hey, you never know! My background is a little different, but that’s exactly why I’ll be great at this job. They need to know about me.” And you might be surprised by what’s possible.

You might have picked up some Limiting Beliefs from your family, or the culture you grew up in. Some might come from a former teacher, boss, or other authority figure. And some you created for yourself, because they made sense at the time based on your experience in the world.

They can be hard to see when you’re in them, because they feel so true. Just like the elephant and the rope.

So how do you free yourself? Here are a few ways to start:

(1) Notice Your Stories.

First, start by noticing the stories you have about yourself and the world. This will help point you towards the beliefs you hold. What are the stories you tell yourself about yourself? What does your inner narrator say about who you are?

If you have a hard time identifying these stories, you take another approach. What’s something you want – and don’t think you can have? Or feel bad about wanting?

For instance, you might think: “I really want more time to myself. But I can’t, because then I’d be a bad parent. A good parent spends as much time as possible with their kids.”

You’ve found a belief about yourself, and what it means to be a good parent.

Meditation is a wonderful way to develop your ability to notice your stories. Because when you’re in meditation, noting your thoughts, you can begin to see the narrator with a little bit more clarity and distance. You practice observing your thoughts without necessarily agreeing with them. Just notice what’s there.

(2) Be Fascinated.

Slow down and just be fascinated by the stories and beliefs you begin to notice. Just because you see it, doesn’t necessarily mean you need to change it. Be interested in seeing what effect it has on your life. What happens when you believe this?

For instance, you might notice, “How fascinating! I totally think that being a good parent means I need to spend all my time with my kids. And then I judge myself, and I ignore my own interests and needs. And that makes me feel a little grumpy and resentful, though it’s hard to admit. I feel like I’m not allowed to want things for myself – how fascinating!”

Meditation helps you to stay with what you notice, without being hasty to change things or judge yourself.

(3) Be Curious.

Finally, begin to get curious about what else might be possible. What if that story isn’t 100% true? What if it’s only sometimes useful, and sometimes not? What would happen if you put that belief down for a moment? Who would you become?

For instance, you might discover that you want your kids to see you going after your own dreams and interests, too. You might realize that taking time for yourself means that your kids get a more rested, vibrant, fulfilled parent.

Meditation helps you be compassionate and gentle in your curiosity. You can question your beliefs and try on some new ones. It may be that you simply need to find out what might happen if you make a small adjustment.

Your beliefs are always in the background, shaping the decisions you make and the way you feel about what’s possible.

Limiting Beliefs will hold you back. But once you begin to see them, you can choose to change them.

Change happens in the present moment. And you can do this, with kindness and compassion for yourself.

When you meditate, you get better at being present in this moment. Noticing your stories. Being fascinated. Being curious.

So you can move forward, beyond your Limiting Beliefs.

Kim Nicol teaches occasionally in WITHIN Meditation’s online studio. Join her this summer for a special 10-week series on Mindfulness & Self-Care.

How to See and Move Beyond Limiting Beliefs