The Art of Listening Deeply
by WITHIN Meditation teacher Lauren Madigan
When was the last time that you listened to the whispers of your heart? What were they telling you?
The practice of deep listening is a tool that can be used to strengthen our relationships with others, with ourselves, and with the world.
When listening deeply in conversation, we are listening to understand rather than to respond. We are doing this through a lens of openness, empathy and kindness. Rather than judging or analyzing what is coming forward, we are putting ourselves in another’s shoes. We become fully present and free from all distractions, so that in addition to hearing the words coming from another person’s mouth, we can listen to the entire story through non-verbal cues. What is their eye contact, body language, and energy telling us that their words leave out?
I think that the quality of our relationships can be determined by the quality of our communication, and that the quality of our communication can only be as good as our ability to listen deeply.
Deep listening can be used when a friend comes to you with a problem or issue. In these moments, it’s easy to get caught up in how to respond. You might begin to contemplate the right thing to say or the best advice that you have to give. But oftentimes what the other person needs is to have someone there who will simply listen.
Similarly, deep listening can be used when in an argument with a loved one. Often, the things that we are hearing through their words is not what they are actually trying to communicate. When we practice deep listening, we can see that their outbursts might be coming from a place of anger or fear, and that they really just want to feel heard, seen or loved.
One reason that it might be hard for us to listen deeply to both others and to ourselves is that we haven’t yet learned to quiet our minds. Because of this, it’s easy for us to be pulled out of the present moment, blocking our ability to listen. But like everything else in life, we can continue to come back to this practice that is rooted in being deeply present in the given moment.
With mindfulness, we can take deep listening one step further. This same technique that can be used to build healthy relationships with others can also be used to build a healthy relationship with ourselves.
Listening deeply to ourselves is an art. It is an ever-evolving process that takes practice and dedication. It is done by quieting our racing minds, so that we can be present with what’s true in our hearts.
When was the last time that you listened to the whispers of your heart?
What were they telling you?
One of my current intentions is to try to spend time with my journal every night. What could I do today to fill up my cup? What can I do this month that will light up my soul? What is true for me right now? How is my heart feeling? These are all questions that I ask myself to keep coming back to my truth.
If you haven’t already, I encourage you to set aside time to simply be with yourself. Don’t feel the need to do anything in these moments or accomplish a task or goal. Allow yourself to enjoy the simple presence of your own being.
Maybe this is a daily, weekly or monthly check-in. You get to decide exactly what this looks like for you. A weekly bubble bath. A monthly journal date. A daily meditation. Listen deeply to what makes sense for you - to what feels good and nourishing to your soul. Once you’ve set this up, keep coming back to yourself. Giving yourself the gift of quiet presence, in which you can enjoy your own company. Romanticize the very idea of quality alone time with yourself.
What does your heart want you to hear?
What would feel good for your soul?
What is present for you in this moment?
Be receptive to all that comes up through the same lens of empathy, compassion and love. Knowing that whatever comes up is a tool for you to better understand yourself, so that you can better serve yourself and love yourself.
Lauren loves helping students tune into themselves more deeply. She teaches breathwork classes online through WITHIN Meditation. Join her for a class this week!