Bring Closure to Your Year with Mindful Reflection
by WITHIN teacher Jonathan Borella
A funny thing happens the more and more you practice mindfulness and get better at attending to the present moment. You become clearer about the past.
This might come as a surprise to those of us who have learned that mindfulness is living fully in the present; “the past is already gone, and the future has not yet come,” as they say. So you might not believe me if I tell you that the quality of attention we call “mindfulness” is a translation of an ancient sanskrit word that actually means “remember.”
The first practitioner of mindfulness, the Buddha, taught his students to pay close attention to specific aspects of present moment experience so they would be remembered later on in a way that helped them along the path.
When you find yourself in a slump or a funk, it can help to ask yourself, “When have I felt like this before? What brought it on? How did I get myself out of it?” Similarly, when you have a moment of clarity and are able to discern what brings about suffering or happiness, you can remember that, and apply it in the future.
The end of the year is a natural time to look back on the past twelve months and take stock. What challenges did you overcome? What challenges are still with you? What were your lessons learned? What were the results of your intentional actions?
This kind of practice has to be done with skillfulness because although an aspect of mindfulness does involve remembering, if you remember in a way that clings to the feelings that arise from thinking about the past or form an identity out of associations with the past then you bind yourself to a very narrow view and make it difficult for yourself to transform whatever habits, hesitations, or cravings are keeping you from thriving now.
You need to learn to use memory in a way so that you can directly experience that everything that happened in the past arose out of a mysterious matrix of causes and conditions, over only a small part of which you had any influence, and that everything that arises does cease.
If you can use your memory in such a skillful way and see these insights for yourself, you can release all regret, sorrow, and longing for the past and find yourself in a position to make the best use of whatever resources you have available to you here and now.
To practice remembering in such a way, you might like to start by sitting comfortably, upright, and alert. If you are accustomed to a meditation posture on a cushion or a chair, that's great:
Settle in with three points of contact on the ground - your butt on the cushion or bench and your knees on the floor.
Push your pelvis forward just a bit creating a slight curve in the small of your back, sending your weight forward and downward, and relaxedly lifting your upper back.
Drop your shoulders and roll them slightly back, opening your chest.
If you haven’t practiced much sitting meditation, or are uncomfortable on a cushion or bench, that’s ok too. You can sit in a chair with the same principles - relaxation, groundedness, and alertness:
In a chair, it can help to sit on the front half of the seat with your back off of the backrest.
Let both feet rest flat on the floor.
Line your shoulders up with your hips, straighten your back, and then relax into the structure of your posture.
You can lay your hands in your lap or on your knees.
Once you feel settled and grounded in your posture, find your breath. Just notice it wherever you notice it. It may be at the nostrils, or in the chest, or at the abdomen. Note to yourself as you breathe in,
“In,” and as you breathe out, “Out.”
Once you can note the beginning of several in and out breaths in a row, see if you can follow the full body and cycle of the breath as it comes and goes. On the in breath, feel the nostrils tingling as they make contact with the incoming air, the chest expanding as it gradually fills up, and the abdomen rising in tandem. On the out breath feel the warmth at the nostrils as the air streams out, the chest emptying, and the abdomen falling.
If you find the mind wandering away a lot, you can remember the phrase “Full in breath,” on the in-breath, and, “Full out breath,” on the out-breath.
“Breathing in, I feel the full in-breath. Breathing out, I feel the full out-breath.”
It can also help to train yourself to enjoy the breath. This way, the mind will want to stay with the breath and incline that way on its own. You can do this by paying special attention to anywhere the breath feels pleasant. If the tingling at the nostrils or the movement of the chest or abdomen feel pleasant, emphasize that in awareness and send it a smile of recognition and appreciation.
You can look for pleasure elsewhere in the body too such as the heaviness in the hips created by your stable and upright posture, the sensations at the contact with a surface, or anything else in the body that feels good. Just let yourself feel that, smile, and nurture that awareness with mindful breathing.
“Breathing in, I enjoy the in-breath. Breathing out, I enjoy the out-breath.”
From here, you will move into the realm of perception and memory, but still keep the breath in mind.
Mindful breathing is what will keep you anchored in the present, embodied, and resourced even as you allow images and feelings from the past to rise up. If at any moment a perception becomes too distressing, you can go back to focusing on the breath and feeling pleasure in the body.
Let’s start by resourcing - recognizing all the wholesome seeds that were planted and watered in your consciousness over the past year.
Think back to a time when someone was there for you. You might recall a day some friend or family showed up to help you move, or a moment someone was present to offer you deep listening, or another ordinary joyful occasion like a hike with some friends, a sibling’s birthday party, a funny conversation over brunch. Or you can remember a time you showed up for someone else, or followed through with an intention for your own or another’s well-being, or overcame a challenge or met a difficult goal.
Whatever it is, recreate the sensual experiences of that moment and relax your body into that space.
“Breathing in, I remember this time a wholesome seed was watered. Breathing out, I relax.”
Once you are relaxed into the time and space of this memory, focus on what the particular action, or inaction, or detail was that nourished you and remember how it felt to receive it in the body.
Feel this feeling again - whether it's a fullness in the heart, butterflies in the stomach, energy through the limbs - whatever it is smile to any pleasant sensations that arise as you remember this moment.
Then, as you stay rooted in the feeling of the body, ask yourself what needs were met that gave rise to this feeling. If you felt relief after a friend listened to you share about a struggle, perhaps that met a need to be understood. If you felt proud for sticking to a diet, perhaps that met a need for self-determination. Or if a lively party with friends made you feel joyful, perhaps that met a need for fun and community.
Whatever it is, be aware of the need that was met and the feeling that resulted.
“Breathing in, this is how it feels to be met. Breathing out, I smile.”
You can meditate in the same way on a time when a need wasn’t met by another person or situation and this can help heal the pain that arose by recognizing its causes, experiencing its results, and letting it pass in the present moment. It can also lead to understanding for the people who let you down or hurt you in some way by showing that they are also just trying to get their needs met, albeit more or less skillfully.
Ultimately though, freedom and awakening come from shaping your own behavior so let’s focus on that next.
With the breath still in mind and the assurance that relaxation is never far away, bring to mind a time you weren’t present for yourself or someone else - a time you didn’t follow through with an intention, a time you impulsively or deliberately acted contrary to your values or prinicples, or a time you got stuck in an unhealthy habit.
With the patience and compassion you’d have for a small child just learning to tie their shoes, remember yourself in that moment. Recall the action or inaction and be aware of any unpleasant feeling that arises in the body along with the memory.
Whatever sensations arise, just remind yourself that it is simply a seed planted by a particular behavior. It can be nourished by repeating it and ignoring the consequences, or it can be uprooted by knowing distaste for its fruits and consciously watering wholesome seeds instead.
“Breathing in, I remember an unwholesome action. Breathing out, I taste the bitter fruit.”
Now reflect on the causes of those actions. What needs weren’t met that led you to act unskillfully? What resources were lacking, what support didn’t you find? You know how to meet these needs. You’ve done it before. You just need to remember.
Jonathan is passionate about sharing mindfulness practices that he’s gleaned over his years of meditating and living in meditation communities. He wrote this blog post while on an extended retreat. We’re looking forward to having him teach in our online meditation studio when he returns!