Connecting With What Matters Most: An Interview with Desiree Matloob
We sat down with WITHIN teacher Desiree Matloob to find out how she got started meditating, and what it means to her now. Here’s what she shared with us.
How did you get started with meditation?
I actually was encouraged to get into meditation early on by my mom, who had become interested in transcendental meditation while living in Iran. When I went to college at UC Berkeley, I met some other students who were interested in meditating, and we would meet up mornings or lazy weekend afternoons to meditate on the grassy knolls and rose gardens near campus. It was lovely!
But I don't think I realized that meditation could provide more than just stress reduction and connection to the present moment - that it could provide insights that could change my life and alter my approach to adversities - until my first silent meditation retreat four years ago.
It was then that I learned that meditation could be used not only to calm the mind, but also to uncover crucial insights into the way we think and react to thoughts/situations in a way that could boost our resilience and equanimity towards whatever comes our way.
What does “meditation” mean to you?
I think meditation helps us calm our minds so we can connect with what matters most in life, and with the qualities that will lead to greater joy and connection among all.
In traditional meditation practices these four qualities, or bramaviharas, are equanimity (a balanced mind), loving-kindness (unconditional love for all beings), compassion (sympathy for the pain of others), and sympathetic joy (happiness for the happiness of others). We're often conditioned to believe that we have to strive for more to be happy, that we can only love someone if they are or act a certain way, that caring for other people's pain can lead to our own suffering, and that someone else's happiness means less happiness for us. These four bramaviharas awaken us to the fallacies of these beliefs and help us cultivate an open heart and awaken to the truth that we are all just beings who want to be understood, cared, and loved!
In my meditation sessions at WITHIN, I try to incorporate a practice around at least one of these qualities - it's a great way to end the Friday workday and start the weekend :)
What led you to begin teaching meditation?
My two motivating drivers have always been truth and connection. When I was younger, that manifested itself in a passion for journalism and connecting with others to get to the heart of a story; today, I find that leading meditation sessions has become one of the most fulfilling ways for me to connect deeply with others and give them the tools and the space to connect with themselves and what is true for them.
What do you love about teaching at WITHIN?
I absolutely love the intimate, welcoming vibe at WITHIN. I've heard from quite a few meditators that are new to the practice that it can be intimidating to go to meditation halls where they might not be familiar with the norms and rituals, how they need to sit, etc.
WITHIN allows people to be just as they are. You don't have to look a certain way, or have a certain practice, or even sit in a particular way.
I also love that the class size allows me to get to know people on an individual basis!
What advice would you give someone who’s just getting started with meditation?
I feel that many of us have expectations of what meditation is and what it should feel like. We picture ourselves sitting serenely in a cross-legged posture, with no thoughts or distractions penetrating our peaceful minds. The reality is very different! Meditation is about tuning into --and accepting! -- the reality of the present moment, and sometimes that can be messy. It's recognizing that when you sit down to meditate you might be stressed or distracted or uncomfortable, and rather than trying to ignore or tune that out, letting yourself accept all of that as part of your present experience.
If you can stay with your breath for just a few minutes or a few breaths before you get distracted, you've already begun training your mind to stay balanced in the face of a storm. That's perfect and that's exactly where you should be.
And when you do inevitably get distracted, the breath is always there for you to return to and begin again!
What’s your favorite way to incorporate mindfulness into your day?
I have a mini-practice that I can always do on a busy day, and that can be done anywhere and on the go! The practice is meant to address both the concentration aspect of meditation, as well as the equanimity/acceptance piece.
To do this, when I wake up and while I'm still lying in bed, I do a scan of the different sensations in my body and "lovingly accept" them. This might mean noticing the uncomfortable sensation of stress in my abdomen before a busy workday, and lovingly accepting that that's part of my experience in the moment. Or it might mean feeling into the warmth of my body under my sheets and expressing gratitude that this is the way I get to wake up in the mornings! Whatever the experience is, I tune into it, and lovingly accept it. I remember that all sensations/experiences are fleeting, so if it's a stressful sensation I know it will eventually pass away, and if it's a pleasant sensation I know to cherish it while it's there.
You’ve been on a number of meditation retreats. Which would you say was your favorite?
It's hard to choose, but I think my first 10-day silent meditation retreat (vipassana) was my favorite so far. At the time, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done (though now I very much look forward to them every year)! It was the first time I uncovered how much my fear-based thoughts were running the show, and how many of these fears were results of societal conditioning rather than a fear of not fulfilling my own purpose and values.
I was also surprised to see that 99% of my thoughts were pretty futile - even when my sole responsibility was meditating, my mind was able to find something more "pressing" it wanted me to focus on. When left to its own devices, the mind will find something to focus on and fret about, no matter what! This was a liberating realization.
I understood that there will always be something that my mind feels is worth pulling me away from the present moment, but I now know that I don't have to listen to it when that impulse arises.
Desiree is passionate about helping students connect with what matters most. She teaches regularly at WITHIN. Join her for a class this week!